Followup Thoughts on Meditation and Discipline

Fuck cigarettes.

Having been a smoker for nearly a decade, I’m deciding to cut it out. I’m setting a quit date. It’s going to be a week from today: April 7, 2015.

Both my parents are doctors, and they’ve been begging me to quit for years. Being the obstinate, oppositional person that I’ve already cited myself as, my parents’ wishes alone never stopped me. Truth is, I love smoking. Smoking has been my constant companion these past few years. Smoking has traveled with me to great places, it’s lived with me in Milan, London, Paris, and New York. Smoking has connected me with some of the greatest people I’ve met and has kept some of them close. Smoking has been with me through the best and the worst times of my life. It’s been with me when I’ve been bored, stressed, celebrating, and even sick.

Smoking has never really held me back, either. I can run 10 miles at a time. I still get asked out on dates by non-smokers. I always haughtily announced that I hoped by the time I was stricken down with cancer that modern medicine would have come up with a way to fix me. And I still hope it does, since most likely something else will go wrong with me.

However, it’s time to say goodbye, dear friend. It’s been real, but you’re killing me. This toxic relationship is not working out. It’s just simply not cute anymore. Smoking is a weakness, and I admit I am weak to it. I acknowledge that it has, in its way, become a meditation. But now, I am changing my intention. It is a public self-shaming. I’m telling everyone around me that I really don’t care about my life or, frankly, the environment. It’s frivolous and I preach discipline. It’s got to stop.

I’m not a bleeding heart liberal, however. I don’t really care so much about smoking bans and legislation. Don’t expect me to vote on this issue, for instance. You do what you want with your life, as long as it doesn’t endanger children.

Not that money is really the issue, but I will probably save a bunch since cigarette prices are what they are in NYC. At the end of this year if I’ve deemed this self-study successful, I’m going to buy myself a great pair of shoes and take those shoes with me on a vacation. Hope to see you there.


2 thoughts on “Followup Thoughts on Meditation and Discipline

  1. Pingback: The Cigarette Saga: 4 Months Later… | Kingdom Claire

  2. Pingback: Neighborhood Review: UES, NYC | Kingdom Claire

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